Monday, February 8, 2010

Jupiter and misappropriation

I came to pick up Jupiter today after work and she was sitting nicely on the couch, writing in a diaryish book. I hadn't seen the book before. So I asked where she got it. Mimi told me that Jupiter and I got it at the Christmas Tree store this weekend. Which was news to me. We certainly didn't have time to go to the Christmas Tree store at any point over the weekend. Then the story was that Tiana had let her borrow the book. Then she admitted that Tiana didn't let her borrow the book; and Tiana doesn't know that she has the book. Turns out she also has a new hat in her backpack. Which she managed to convice my mother that we had purchased at LL Bean this weekend. I guess we went there after we finished at the Christmas Tree store. In the real world, she found the hat on the coat rack and decided she liked it. And since it wasn't actually ON anybody's head at the time, she decided it was now hers. She also came home with the wrong shoes, but at least those shoes look exactly like hers, and Jupiter was genuinely suprised when she tried to put them on and they didn't fit her feet. The hat and the diary and the little purse which I don't recognize and the stuffed animal in the purse and the triangular pencil from school and a wooden wedge which I believe may be Mrs. Verdantland's doorstop did not belong in her backpack.

I seriously want to send her to school without a backpack. It'll be tough to carry around the shoes and snow pants and hat and mittens and spare pants and chapstick and lunchbox and all that stuff. But she is on a total taking things just because I want them and lying all the livelong day about it. At least she's proving that I didn't make up the whole lying thing. So now she either can't have access to her backpack during the day, or it needs to be completely checked before she comes home. She spent 10 minutes after we came home writing an apology note to Tiana. She knows that if Tiana is angry that Jupiter wrote all through the diary that was not hers, she will have to replace it out of her own money. But mostly, she doesn't really care.

Speaking of replacing things with her own money. Yesterday Jupiter had to give $10 of the money she got for Christmas to my sister for dumping out all of her body wash and foot scrub the other day when she was "going to the bathroom." She had to give me $5 to replace her toothpaste that she wasted and the 1/4 bottle of contact lens solution that she dumped out when she was "going to the bathroom." Yesterday while I was cleaning her room I found a pair of sissors and clumps of Barbie hair under her bed. You guessed it..she doesn't know how that got there.

So now she's on the velcro plan. (thanks to Tiruba for the great name for the velcro plan.) So if she is stuck to me like velcro she may get into less trouble. As for actually caring that she is stealing and lying.....I don't know.

Now I have to email Mrs. Verdantland and the behavior specialist that Jupiter sees on a daily basis. I'm hoping the behavior specialist can work "not taking things that are not mine" into Jupiter's daily behavior goals. I have to give Mrs. VerdantLand an inventory of all the items Jupiter will be returning to school tomorrow which do not belong to her and ask if she happens to be missing a doorstop.

School vacation next week. (It's Maine. We have one vacation in February and one in April, instead of a March Spring break like everybody else. That's because we LIKE to go to school until the third week in June.). They have this Friday off as an add on day because the budget dictates that we cannot heat the schools and run the busses to have school on Friday. It appears that it may snow on Thursday..another extra day off, maybe???


Diana said...

Look at what's behind the lying and stealing. The behaviors themselves might drive you bonkers, but there is something driving them.

Don't fall prey to the trap that she doens't care, either. It's quite a dangerous one. Most likely she does and she knows it's wrong, but she's still driven driven by the exhilleration of doing it and fear or grief that is underneath all of it that she keeps on doing it and puts on the "I don't care" mask in order to cover it up.

If possible, try a clear plastic beach bag rather than a backpack. It's not nearly as easy to hide stuff in there. If that doesn't work, put the backpack in time out and let her carry her stuff in used plastic grocery bags. That will get pretty old pretty fast. :-)

matryoshka said...

I was thinking about it later after I blogged and went to bed and continued to ponder..of course I get it better after we've done all the talking!! and I know she does care..but she wants me to think she doesn't. She's also not fighting the velcro fact she's relishing in being next to me every. waking. moment.
Using a canvas grocery bag for the rest of this week..but I have no problem with plastic grocery bags because I agree..she will not find them nearly as "stylish" as her backpack :)

Dia por Dia said...

We did the plastic bag thing too but I also sewed pockets closed cause our was a CHRONIC problem starting at about age 4.5 to 6.5!
Sounded like you could use a little sunshine so I gave you that old Sunshine Award that is going around!