A quote for the Moms with kids who challege us

Which is pretty much all Moms, right?

Last night Jupiter was up for two hours. When she first woke up I heard her rocking and singing, and I went into her room and she very succinctly told me to "Go Away!" So I did. An hour later I heard her in the living room, so I got up to send her back to bed. She wanted me to lay down with her, so I did. She wanted me to rub her back, so I did, but I didn't (or couldn't) do it strongly enough to satisfy her. She was hungry, since she refused to eat much of her supper before bed, so she wanted a banana. With the ends cut off because she doesn't like the ends. She was itchy from her eczema, so I put lotion on her legs and knees. She didn't want the lotion, but I didn't give her a choice. I BEGGED her to go to sleep. Pleaded. Unable to keep the impatience and exhaustion out of my voice, even though my brain knows that if anything, that will keep her from going to sleep. Finally she settles down enough to stop moving. She lays her leg over my body to keep me in position. She says she's thinking bad things so I tell her to think of something good instead. Finally, she does go back to sleep. When I get back to my own bed its 4am, and my alarm goes off in 20 minutes. So I set the alarm so it goes off ten minutes later, take a quick nap, and drag myself out of bed to get ready for work.

At 5:15, I have to wake up the child I just spent an hour trying to get to sleep. But since she's so tired, she tolerates more rocking chair time and actually sleeps while I rock her. And even though she's short on sleep, she's in a good mood when I leave for work. So the nighttime of no sleeping has served a purpose in her; the extra contact between us has settled her to some extent for a time. I feel bad about the exhaustion and impatience in my voice earlier. Of course she needs this time; even if it's the middle of the night

While I'm cruising up the turnpike, way late for work but oh well, I remember a line in an adoption book I read while I was waiting for trip 2 to Russia. (For five months, I could only read things that either had Russia or Adoption as subjects. ) So I pulled it out tonight to remind myeself exactly what it said.

From: The Waiting Child~How the faith and love of one orphan saved the life of another by Cindy Champnella:

Cindy receives a letter from another Mom that says in part: "I think about you and the challenges that parenting such a hurt child must bring. You are obviously the person that _____ (Cindy's daughter) needs to help her come to terms with her painful past. Special children like these are given to the parents who can cope..."

I was chosen to be a special Mom. Cindy refers to this as "an enormous hug" and so it is for me as well.

The book is very good by the way. You will laugh and cry in the reading of it, and it remains on my bedstand bookshelf, as opposed to being relegated to the library of books in the basement.


Jupiter is asleep now. Maybe later she'll call for me to come lay down with her when she wakes up. I kind of hope she does....even if I hope it doesn't take two hours for her to go back to sleep :).

Water in the pool

Yesterday, it snowed again. Big suprise there. After we got home from church and the Sunday School teacher/greeter meeting, I shoveled the driveway and Jupiter played outside in the snow. She created a "decoration" out of a piece of rope, a funnel, and a drainpipe connector and insisted that I hang it on the maple tree a little ways from the bird feeder.

Then we went to the pool at St Joseph's College. The late Harold Alfond gave lots of money to several Maine colleges and provided sports arenas and aquatic centers. So the pool is in a great facility just a few miles from my house. And Jupiter LOVES the water. Every time we go there, she gets in a giddy giggly mood for the first few minutes when she's in the water again. She can jump in the water to her heart's content, swim, splash, and just relax in the water. We can only go on Sundays because they don't have afternoon open swim during the week :( or I would take her more often. And yesterday she did fancy swimming!! I'm not sure when she learned to do that...she did frog kicks and backfloats and everything. But she is not interested in taking swimming lessons either...unless its the Polliwogs class where I can be in the water with her, but which she has already taken and completed four seperate times.

My favorite part of the pool, (well second favorite part, my absolute favorite part is hearing Jupiter's pure happy laugh when she first gets in the water) is the sauna. After we are done swimming and showering, we can go in the sauna for a few minutes and I can be totally and completely warm. Even my toes. If Jupiter wasn't with me, I'd probably pay the pool entrance fee just to go sit in the sauna for an hour. And of course, yesterday when I forgot and opened my eyes under water, she asked me if I would have to put my "eyetacks" back in. They do sometimes feel like eyetacks too...I think it's a much better name for them!!

Speaking of water, I've been checking out the Coco Key resort online. It's an indoor water park with slides and kiddy pools. Jupiter adored Aquaboggan this summer, so I have wondered if it would be a good place to take her for a day. The website hooked me, big suprise, with the promise of "every day is sunny and 84 degrees." Sold!!! I wonder if I could get a winter job there....a long commute but TOTALLY worth it!!!

Done with Salmon

Well, apparently Jupiter is also finished with the salmon bathroom tile.

She was getting out of the bath tonight, and decided to use the built in soap holder thing as a jungle gym type of thing. Except apparently the caulking job I did last fall was not as successful as I might have hoped, because she pulled out the built in soap holder thing, about 15 salmon tiles, and a bunch of wet wallboard.

She's okay..a little startled that the bathtub wall crumbled to pieces because she pulled on it. I assured her that this was not her fault. I knew the bathroom's day was coming. I just didn't really expect it to be today.

Good thing I never booked that trip to Florida. The most inconvenient part is the big hole in the shower wall. Which is currently sealed up with blue trash bag and 25 strips of packing tape. I now see the wisdom of having more than one bathroom in the house. I guess I'll be showering at the gym for awhile.

Today Jupiter went bouncing at the bouncy house place. It has a real name, but I don't remember it. They have a bunch of bouncy houses and slides, and Jupiter bounced and slid for two hours. In the afternoon I got a call on my cell phone. My sister B told me that Jupiter had a fever of 108. Which she quickly ammended to 100 POINT 8. A couple minutes later, I could breathe again. She's taken a couple tylenol meltaways (the only kind of pain reliever/fever reducer she is willing to take) and is okay at the moment.

So I have about six hours to sleep before the tylenol wears off. Hopefully that will be enough time to hatch a plan in my sleep to finance bathroom remodeling. Better start now!

Merry Christmas to Me

The day after Christmas, when we got home, I reached into the mailbox and pulled out a big stack of mail. I was surprised at first. I don't get much mail now that the credit card companies have stopped mailing something every three days and most of my utilities are not on paperless billing. Not automatic payment, just email billing instead of bill in the mailbox billing. And if Time Warner Cable didn't feel obligated to send me something I could sign up for every two days, I would probably never get mail. But anyway, December 26th, I pulled out the mail and there was a whole huge stack of it. I was curious. Then I saw what was in there, and I was giddy.



I got a big stack of seed catalogs. I do not have a huge yard. I do have some ground, and every year more and more of it gets turned over to plants. More garden, and less mowing. Heaven.

In the stack were three of my favorite seed catalogs. I always end up ordering way more seeds than I could ever plant. But I do it anyway. It's fun.



My most favorite seed catalog is Pine Tree Garden Seeds.https://www.superseeds.com/. One of the reasons they're my favorite is that they're two towns away from me. And if I call them and tell them I'm going to stop by at 2:30 on my way home from work, they will pull my order for me and let me pick it up to save the shipping charges. I'm sure they think I have some huge garden somewhere from all the seeds I order. It's so hard to choose between all my favorite varieties. And they have so many cool ones.

My other favorites are Seeds of Change. www.seedsofchange.com and The Cooks Garden http://www.cooksgarden.com/ . And I spent a few hours that weekend going through and circling everything I wanted to order. I will whittle it down to some extent. Probably on Wednesday, since garden seed selection is a favorite winter storm pastime of mine. And the next snowstorm is on track to arrive just for my birthday. Yet again, God shows a sense of humor.

I was going to write more, but Jupiter is having a difficult time settling down tonight. Her energy is up, despite playing baseball, bike riding, and snowshoeing outdoors today. I'm going to fall asleep at any moment, so hopefully she'll go to sleep before I finish brushing my teeth. She's insisting that she is NOT TIRED. Which is a big lie. She is OVERTIRED, which is not the same thing as NOT TIRED. If she lays still for two minutes, she'll fall asleep. And then, so will I.

Big Wheel Superstar!!

Yesterday, we had a high temperature somewhere in the 50's. I was in heaven, because it meant I could go outside without repeating "When can we go inside?" every two minutes until we actually go inside. Jupiter kept mentioning how all the snow was melting. I told her not to worry, it will snow again in a couple of days. Wednesday, the last time I checked. But since there was no snow on the road, we took out the Big Wheel.

We live near the end of our dead end street, just past the bottom of the hill. Not a huge hill, but a noticable one. At the top of the hill, my sensory seeking five year old pointed her Big Wheel downhill, started pedaling furiously, and then took her feet off the pedals and coasted to the bottom of the hill. Then she pedaled furiously back to the house and went BUMP into the front of the garage door. Then she did it again. And again. And again. The second graders up the street were impressed with her fearlessness. Jupiter was excited that she impressed kids bigger than she was.

I watched a Made episode on MTV this afternoon while I was running (HA HA HA. The other people in the gym run gracefully and smoothly on their treadmills. I sound like a herd of elephants galloping on the treadmill. I don't know why I think that this whole goal of starting a jogging regimen is going to work. For more than three days. I've never been an enthusiastic athelete. But what the heck...it's a new year.) at the gym. The girl in the show decided that she wanted to be a BMX racer. That is seriously something I can see Jupiter doing. She's starting off now with Big Wheel tricks (yesterday she also drove repeatedly into her scooter with the Big Wheel. It reminded me of Happy Days when they used to have Demolition Derbys.) and she's going to be a BMX racer with a tatoo. She drew a tatoo on her arm yesterday with Crayola marker, in fact, but it came off in the bath. Or, she says, when she grows up she is going to take care of horses. One of my goals is to get Jupiter into horseback riding, which I think will help both her sensory issues and her emotional ones. I think working with horses would be a great thing for her, and have promised that if she still wants to work with horses when she is old enough to work for real, I will help her find a way to do that.

Santa brought new snowshoes for Jupiter, which we haven't used yet because it's either been raining or too warm, but hopefully we'll get out there this weekend. Santa displayed a lack of forethought in only bringing snowshoes for Jupiter, so I may have a hard time chasing her. And she's really been eyeing the snow tube with longing. For her sake, I hope we get some good snow on Wednesday so she can go to the big sledding hill with her friend G this weekend.

Before we played Big Wheel tricks yesterday, we hung out the new bird feeder. The bird feeder is a combination gift for Jupiter and Autumn Leaf (whose new full name is Autumn Leaf Sunshine Marzipan). I haven't seen any birds yet, though Autumn was up scratching at the window earlier, so I think there may have been some there when we were not home. Jupiter can't wait to see some birds.

Jupiter has done some seriously awesome art since Christmas. She's planning on giving it all away, so I have to take digital camera photos of the art so I can have at least a virtual copy of it. Santa was quite happy to provide art supplies to the budding artist. When I get some pictures taken I will post some on the blog...they must be shared! Proud Mom talking here!

Snow!!!!

I am at home this morning because it snowed about a foot and a half yesterday afternoon and overnight. (I mean, I am at home today because Jupiter is not feeling well. If you are my boss, the entire first sentence is a typo.)

This picture is actually from the first snowflakes that fell a few weeks ago, when we had to put our coats and hats and mittens on at bedtime and go out to play in the snow.

Jupiter LOVES LOVES LOVES snow. The other day when we had a snowstorm, I picked her up and she said "MOM. I NEED TO GO PLAY IN THE SNOW!!" And she was entirely accurate, I think, in using the word need in that context. She truthfully needed to go play in the snow at that moment.

When we woke up Saturday morning, we had about six inches of new snow on the ground. At 8:30, we were out in our pajamas and snowpants. Jupiter was hurrying to do all her favorite snow things because she worried if she waited ten minutes, all the snow would melt and be gone. (I can only hope!!) At 11:15, I had to drag her back inside by force to warm up.

Today is Monday and we have 18 or 20 more inches of the white stuff. I have to admit, seeing Jupiter love the snow so much makes me dislike the snow less. It's still quite windy, so we will have to wait awhile before going out. Although the possibility remains that I will have to run down the unplowed driveway with the garbage bag for the truck if it should arrive before my infinitely kind snowblower owning neighbor.

I had Friday as a scheduled day off, so Jupiter and I have been home for four days. The first two days, I think, she struggled with the change of routine. Yesterday and today (so far) have gone much better. A lot less defiance. She has requested a new bedtime routine of me massaging her back. The first time she asked, and I massaged her back (do it harder, Mom!) she actually fell asleep during the massage. No rocking and loud music!! Yipee!!!!!!! She also came into my bed Friday night and Saturday night, and Sunday she slept until 8am!! So hopefully we've managed to soothe her internal motorcycle to some extent. That's what she calls it now when here energy bubble gets to the point she can't control it. Her motorcycle is running. The motorcycle has been getting quite a workout the last few weeks with approaching Christmas. All the excitement, lack of routine, and sugar have been making it tough.

This morning, when I was trying to keep Jupiter from getting up at 5am, she asked me to lay down in her bed so I did. She told me that Christmas is in three days, and she's going to get presents, and when Santa comes she's going to sing a special song she made for him. And Santa will teach all the elves to sing it and we can put it on a CD so Santa can listen to it when he's not working. She asked me scratch the itches on her back. She used very good words to give my hands directions. She said she really wants a baby sister, that she would play gently with a baby sister, and if the baby sister woke up at night and was scared, she would rock the baby sister. We can do that after Christmas, she says. I think she means by the end of December. I suggested it might take a little bit longer than that. We read 2 and a half chapters of The Mouse and the Motorcycle. Then, an hour later, we got up and had breakfast. Oatmeal, of course. I can't change flavors of oatmeal or even brands of oatmeal. It has to be Hannaford organic Maple and Brown Sugar. When I tried to go with Quaker because it was on sale, it tasted different and she refused to eat it.

Jupiter has needed a lot of meals routine lately. She's ALWAYS had oatmeal for breakfast, since she was a baby. Since fall, she wants chicken noodle soup for lunch. Every day. (It used to be chef boy ardee raviolis or spaghettios.) And for supper, she is willing to choose between fried rice, fish sticks, or a hamburger. Ketchup and pickles only on the hamburger, please. So I went to the meat market and bought a pack of premade hamburger patties so I could freeze them individually and take them out one at a time. She also needs lots of protein. When she doesn't have enough protein, she gets cranky a lot faster. I try to sneak it in, but she's not always cooperative.

I just looked out the window (the sun is coming out!) and saw all the snow on my roof I need to go rake off. But Jupiter will love it. And I will love that she loves it, even while I shiver and my fingers shrink inside their gloves. She can't wait to go sledding at the big hill. In my town, we go sledding at the big hill accross from the correctional center. It sounds odd if you invite out of town friends to go sledding at the prison. It's too windy today, but maybe this weekend we'll make it there.

If I don't get to post again before Christmas, Merry Christmas, everyone!!

Christmas Tree Wrestling, episode 2

I had a little internal debate going about decorating the tree. But it was already the second week of December. If I waited til the next weekend, it didn't seem like the ornaments would be on the tree long enough to make it worth the decorating. So I haul out the lights, untangle the lights, test all the lights, and put the lights on the tree.

Every year, I put the lights on wrong and have to do it over. This year, amazingly enough, I did it right the first time. Go me!! While the pizza was cooking, we put on ornaments. Jupiter stole some to put on Foursie. After we ate, I went out the the kitchen with plates. While I'm rinsing them off, I hear CRASH. Tinkle Tinkle Creak.

"MOM!! IT WASN'T ME!!!"

I know it wasn't her, actually. I actually thought I saw the tree wobbling a little bit while I was putting some of the ornaments. But it was such a little wobble I thought I was imagining it. Not so much, apparently. In the living room the tree is laying on its side. A gallon of water from the tree stand I had just filled is pouring on my carpet. I go to survey the damage. Yup. It fell over, alright.

Swell. I try to pick it back up. It stands up as long as it's totally leaning in the corner. Otherwise, it falls over. I stick it in the corner until Jupiter goes to bed. Then, since it has become apparent that I would need to undecorate the tree, I take off all the ornaments and stick them in a box. I leave the lights on the tree, but not plugged in. I lay the tree back down and take it out of the stand.

The tree doesn't go all the way into the stand. No wonder it fell over. There are a bunch of bottom branches keeping the tree from fitting in the stand. I ponder the whereabouts of my clippers. I remember that I brought them to my mother's house when we were doing her tree. They're still there. I go out to the garage and retrieve my mini hacksaw. I start to saw a branch. The hacksaw blade comes out of the hacksaw.

I hold an end of the hacksaw blade in each hand and saw that way. Branches start to come off the tree. I saw off a lot of branches. I try to shove the stand back on. I saw off more branches. Now I have water, tree needles, branches, and sawdust on the carpet. The cat peeks around the corner and runs away. Finally, finally, I get it all the way in the stand. I try to stand the tree up. It falls over. I take a stress break and watch John Glenn orbit the earth in The Right Stuff. I wonder how so many of the actors in The Right Stuff were also in Apollo 13. I reposition the tree in its stand and tighten the screws again. This time, it seems straight. And solid.

I plug in the lights. Some light up. Some turn on and off in a wavy kind of dance. I inspect the lights and find some that either broke when the tree fell on them or when I may have stepped on them trying to fix the tree. Since the broken lightbulbs in the flammable tree don't excite me, I decide it would be prudent to buy all new lights. So I have to take the lights off the tree. But at least I'm pretty sure the tree is solidly in its stand now. I am positively yanking those lights off the tree, and the tree doesn't budge.

We put on new lights Monday afternoon. Thursday evening we put on the ornaments again. It's been three days, and the tree has not yet fallen over. Knock on wood.

And every year, I insist on a real tree. I like the smell. They smell nice. And the cats like having a real tree in the house. Any cat I've ever had is convinced the tree is for them. They lay under the tree and stare up into the branches. So far, none of my cats have ever climbed my trees. Autumn is new...I hope she doesn't try it.