Which is pretty much all Moms, right?
Last night Jupiter was up for two hours. When she first woke up I heard her rocking and singing, and I went into her room and she very succinctly told me to "Go Away!" So I did. An hour later I heard her in the living room, so I got up to send her back to bed. She wanted me to lay down with her, so I did. She wanted me to rub her back, so I did, but I didn't (or couldn't) do it strongly enough to satisfy her. She was hungry, since she refused to eat much of her supper before bed, so she wanted a banana. With the ends cut off because she doesn't like the ends. She was itchy from her eczema, so I put lotion on her legs and knees. She didn't want the lotion, but I didn't give her a choice. I BEGGED her to go to sleep. Pleaded. Unable to keep the impatience and exhaustion out of my voice, even though my brain knows that if anything, that will keep her from going to sleep. Finally she settles down enough to stop moving. She lays her leg over my body to keep me in position. She says she's thinking bad things so I tell her to think of something good instead. Finally, she does go back to sleep. When I get back to my own bed its 4am, and my alarm goes off in 20 minutes. So I set the alarm so it goes off ten minutes later, take a quick nap, and drag myself out of bed to get ready for work.
At 5:15, I have to wake up the child I just spent an hour trying to get to sleep. But since she's so tired, she tolerates more rocking chair time and actually sleeps while I rock her. And even though she's short on sleep, she's in a good mood when I leave for work. So the nighttime of no sleeping has served a purpose in her; the extra contact between us has settled her to some extent for a time. I feel bad about the exhaustion and impatience in my voice earlier. Of course she needs this time; even if it's the middle of the night
While I'm cruising up the turnpike, way late for work but oh well, I remember a line in an adoption book I read while I was waiting for trip 2 to Russia. (For five months, I could only read things that either had Russia or Adoption as subjects. ) So I pulled it out tonight to remind myeself exactly what it said.
From: The Waiting Child~How the faith and love of one orphan saved the life of another by Cindy Champnella:
Cindy receives a letter from another Mom that says in part: "I think about you and the challenges that parenting such a hurt child must bring. You are obviously the person that _____ (Cindy's daughter) needs to help her come to terms with her painful past. Special children like these are given to the parents who can cope..."
I was chosen to be a special Mom. Cindy refers to this as "an enormous hug" and so it is for me as well.
The book is very good by the way. You will laugh and cry in the reading of it, and it remains on my bedstand bookshelf, as opposed to being relegated to the library of books in the basement.
Jupiter is asleep now. Maybe later she'll call for me to come lay down with her when she wakes up. I kind of hope she does....even if I hope it doesn't take two hours for her to go back to sleep :).
4 days ago